


Ask Me How It Ends

by shinysparks



Category: Robin Hood (BBC 2006)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-29
Updated: 2014-03-29
Packaged: 2018-01-17 09:25:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1382350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinysparks/pseuds/shinysparks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Due to recent events at tumblr, I have decided, with the exception of one unfinished fic, to entirely stop writing fics or making artwork based on BBC Robin Hood. Long story short, after five long years, I'm exiting the fandom. Did I lose my mojo? A clue: no. My mojo went to a festival of pain, got killed, buried, dug up and then killed again and I've felt it better just to bury that corpse in the forest and move on. <em>*coughs*</em> As such, all but one of my current unfinished fics will remain incomplete. That said, I didn't want to leave anyone hanging if you're waiting for an ending, and since I no longer have a livejournal or a tumblr, I have no place else to list these. Summaries of what happened are below. If there's any questions or anything, ask me in the comments.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ask Me How It Ends

[**The Story of Your Life:**](http://archiveofourown.org/works/798247)  
Guy and Kate spend most of this one arguing and calling each other names after a nearly inexplicable moment of passion (read: sex) in the forest where they do nothing but make animal noises during sex (no, I'm not kidding, I wrote the dialog and they go "WHEET! WHEET! WHEET!" all the way through, which is why I do everything I can to avoid writing good, wholesome smut;) leads to Kate's pregnancy. Realizing that Kate is suddenly and inexplicably preggers, Tuck believes that she's been chosen by God for some unknown purpose and completely takes over her care (much to Guy's ire.) Allan then gets a doll and tries to teach Guy to be a father (as Kate threatens him that if he doesn't do a decent job, she'll smother him in his sleep;) but he gets constantly dismayed seeing what Guy actually does with the doll - including pulling off the doll's head and throwing it at someone. The whole thing ends in childbirth (obviously.) Tuck is set to deliver the baby, but at some point, the truth comes out that it is Guy's child. Tuck insults Guy, Kate ends up throwing a log at Tuck's head, knocking him cold. This leaves Little John to deliver the baby, but he can only do so if Robin aims an arrow at his head. Guy proposes marriage in the form of a rick-roll (and is very adamant that she'd "never get this from any other guy," mainly because he'd personally killed off Matthew, her brother.) The baby is delivered, it's a boy, Little John goes off to get very, very drunk and all is right with the world.

The next day, an sore, concussed Tuck attempts to both baptize the baby and marry Guy and Kate. Arguing over the child's name ensues, making Tuck's head hurt and he whispers to the kid "With parents like these... I have only one thing to say: may God have mercy on your soul." The end.

[ **Curses:**](http://archiveofourown.org/series/57163)  
There was really no end to this one. It was just random fics with Guy as a cat.

[ **Parley:**](http://archiveofourown.org/series/47874)  
The entire gang plus Guy and Archer ends up back together during the Fourth Crusade. Vasey ends up not dead and has become a pirate captain (because the money's better and the hats are less tragic and furry,) tries to capture and kill them all, so they're all running around trying to save each other and stop Vasey and lamenting the fact that, as a priest, Guy can no longer kill things because nearly everyone in Constantinople is trying to murder them. Somewhere in this, the Ghost of Marian shows up and everything goes crazy. I think Priest!Guy gets ghostly wedgies or something and everyone rubs his bald spot for luck. This was supposed to be a nanowrimo project, and being a pantser, I'm usually like "plot? What plot?"

The unfinished intro to this one reads as follows:

_Hello. Archer here. I thought before we get started that it might be wise to fill you in on what happened all those years ago, since it differs greatly from the tales you might have heard. Some chroniclers like to embellish what really happened, killing off most of the beloved, crazy characters like Allan A’Dale, Guy of Gisborne, and of course, Robin Hood. They even go on to say that Nottingham Castle was destroyed by what they erroneously call “Byzantine” fire. It’s “Greek” fire, thank you very much, and I’ve got some for sale, if anyone’s looking to buy. Hate your neighbor? Torch their barn with my new extra potent variety - absolutely guaranteed to burn faster and hotter in the presence of water than any fire known to man, or double your money back!_

_Right. I digress._

_The true story turned out to be quiet different. As you might recall, my dear brothers Guy of Gisborne and Robin Hood came to York to rescue me from getting laid repeatedly by the Sheriff’s hot wife... you know, because they’re just so helpful like that. We nearly got hanged, there was a fun little battle and I ran off with Gizzy’s horse. I traveled to Nottingham Castle to visit my dear, sweet and absolutely insane older sister Isabella, who was a powerful Sheriff with lots of money - hence my interest. Figuring I might be able to get something out of the deal, I decided to help her in her desire to murder her brother Guy, and her ex-woobie, Robin Hood. What? Don’t look at me like that. I’m half-Gisborne. Homicidal mania runs in the family, for crying out loud._

_Though, we managed to lure them both into the castle, along with the rest of the gang of outlaws, we were soon surprised by the sudden arrival of one really, really pissed off ex-Sheriff, Lord Vasey. Or Vaisey. Or even Vaysey. Maybe he’s Irish and spells it "Vaoighsaigh." I don't know. Anyway, he came back with a huge, badass army belonging to dear ol’ Prince John (hereafter known as Peej.) We’re of course just standing there looking completely dumbfounded at all the weaponry and siege weapons and he conquers our asses in like ten seconds flat. No really, I counted._

_So, the next thing I know, we’re prisoners and all sitting in the Nottingham jail, awaiting what will no doubt be a very strange, very kinky, very painful death - apparently, Vasey totally gets off on pain and suffering like any good, little psychopath. I raised an eyebrow, eyed Kate and was like “hey, why don’t we get Kate to do what I did with the Sheriff’s wife in York so we can escape and live and all that good stuff?” Thankfully, Kate was in another cell at the time; else, I’m pretty positive she would’ve tried to maim me repeatedly for such a suggestion. Instead, I got a lot of screeching, and then Guy was like “Won’t work; The Sheriff doesn’t swing that way.” And then I was like “Oh. Then we just can send you in her place.”_

_He tossed a brick at my head._

_Anyway, as we were standing there, debating and recovering from our brotherly-induced head injuries, we hear a loud _BOOM._ And then another _BOOM._ And another, and another. What had happened, of course, was that good King Richard had finally returned to England, and BOY WAS HE PISSED. His army was even bigger than Vasey’s and laid waste to the castle in about six seconds. Yes. I counted._

_Once he conquered the conqueror and we traded places in jail, he and Robin had a joyous reunion with much congratulations and hugging and kissing and smooching and inappropriate touching (Robin will deny it, of course.) The King immediately gave Robin back his title and lands, appointed him the new Sheriff and shook hands with everyone in his gang - except Guy of course. Like the smart little ex-almost-assassin that he is, Guy ducked out quickly when the King showed up, dressed himself up as a nun and walked right through the portcullis and a small horde of castle guards. Amazingly, not one guard stopped him or questioned why a nun had that much facial hair. Nottingham guards, I swear..._

_We received a letter from Sir Stabs-A-Lot the next day, stating that with his attempted assassinations of both King and Prince, he knew he would never regain his previous status of nobility and that he was completely certain no amount of sniveling from Robin would save his neck from either the noose or the block. And so, he thought it best to leave England entirely, and avoid France like the plague. He wished everyone the best, said he was terrible at goodbye’s, and that if anyone ever traveled East, to look him up or something, bla-di-bla-di-bla... Yeah, like anyone would ever find him. He also ripped off most of the stored gold, all of the food and Kate’s underwear (presumably just to screw with her mind and get her back for her incessant torments of “YOU KILLED MY BROTHER!” I mean, he’s definitely not as kinky as I am, after all...)_

_Of course, not long after, the King ran off as well, likely to go lay siege to something or other, and we got on with our happily ever after. Robin went back to Locksley, taking Isabella with him - he had little choice, of course. The King had heard rumors about the female Sheriff, and in order to protect her, Robin quickly told the King that my dear sister was his betrothed. It was a good gamble, really. Having witnessed the death of Marian and unwilling to rob Robin of his newfound happiness, the King ordered a huge celebration and insisted on giving away the bride. The result of that was watching a Gisborne have an immediate meltdown (which, you know, never really does go well,) and the sudden realization that Isabella can screech almost as loud and ear-splittingly as Kate can._

_“Brides are always so nervous before the big day!” Good King Richard had said, smiling, as he watched her flail and maim random castle guards. “Might want to take her knife, though, Robin...”_

[**The Demon Hours**](http://archiveofourown.org/works/973592)  
This is the one that I do intend to make an exception for, even though it's probably the most risque of the lot (for various reasons.) If I didn't finish this one, I think that I would personally regret it, though.

***

So, that's it. If I've forgotten any, just let me know in the comments and I'll explain it. Also, if anyone wants to adopt these to finish or anything, just let me know. 


End file.
